How To Ensure That You And Your Pony Remain Earthbound For All Eternity

cheeky thing. 
Step 1: Plan a confidence-building jump school over lots of itty-bitty fences before your area of the world gets slammed with another five days of rain.

Step 2: Groom and tack up your pony. Notice that he's at least a week overdue to have his feet trimmed and shoes re-set due to all of his footwear shenanigans throwing off the schedule earlier in the year. Observe that one of his shoes is hanging on rather tenuously. Make a mental note to reach out to your farrier to see if he can come out earlier than next week.

Step 3: Ride down to the jump field. See that your barnmate (who is running Novice that weekend) has set all of the jumps to 3'. Curse her under your breath.

Step 4: Dismount. Re-set everything to crossrails and 2' verticals. Set one 2'6" fence in case you feel really brave. Scold your pony every other minute for trying to drag you around to eat things.

Step 5: Re-mount using a cavaletti as a mounting block. Watch your life flash before your eyes for a moment as it wiggles when you go to put your left foot in the stirrup.

Step 6: Begin warming up. Trot two laps of the big field, with your pony feeling very fine and very forward. After the first half of lap three, notice that your pony is slowing down.

Step 7: Become aware that your pony is limping. Halt immediately and lean over to look at his feet. See that the shoe that had been hanging on by half a nail and some fairy dust has twisted. Sigh. Dismount.

Step 8: Pull the shoe off easily with one hand because that's just how loose it was. Begin the long walk uphill back to the barn.

Step 9: Text your farrier. Receive a reply indicating that he cannot come shoe your pony for at least four days. Throw your hands up in the air and consider taking up floral arranging as a new hobby instead of riding.

Step 10: Untack your pony, groom him again, pull his mane, and clip him. At least he looks like a show horse even though seeing the inside of a show ring at all this year seems unlikely.

Step 11: Go home. Eat dinner and shop online for dressage pads and full seat breeches, because clearly your jumping career is over forever.


  1. hahaha oh hhh nooooo

    maybe get an easy boot?? so on days hes missing a shoe you can be like HAHA BITCH GOT YA

  2. I agree with the easy boot idea -although I don't know how good they are for jumping. But then you can work on your dressage career. :) Horses.

  3. Oh no! A spare boot does sound like a good idea. I've jumped in Renegades before. Only thing about any boot though is that if the ground is damp or wet in any way you're gonna go sliding.

  4. arghhhh Dino c'mon buddy!!!! we wanna see ya go flying to the moon over some jompies!!!!

  5. Aw shucks Dino 😭 keep your shoes on man, your mom is ready to ride!

  6. Aww, Dino! Fingers crossed the farrier can make it sooner than expected.

  7. Ponies... thwarting plans since the dawn of time. Retail therapy definitely helps get you through though.

  8. At least I’m not the only one who seems to be caught in the Pony version of Series of Unfortunate Events 😂

  9. omg that is hysterical (not funny I know but I am giggling) And he is very cheeky in that photo :) HA HA HA with the amount of rain coming and the humidity out there we might as well start floral arranging UGH!


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