11 Easy Steps to Treating a Hoof Abscess

Step 1: Pull your pony out of his pen to ride. Notice he is horrifyingly three-legged lame, swear, and pray that it does not involve broken bones.

Step 2: Inspect the offending foot. Discover a large soft spot on the sole. Poke the soft spot with your finger. Determine by your pony's violent reaction that he has an abscess.

Step 3: Drag your poor hobbling pony slowly to the wash stall. Mix up a bucket of hot water, epsom salts, and betadine. Insert infected hoof into the bucket.

Step 4: Groom your pony to pass the time. Repeat, "No! Foot goes IN THE BUCKET!" as many times as necessary.

Step 5: Decide that you are done soaking when the pony removes his foot from the bucket and spills the majority of its contents on you.

Step 6: Get out your bandaging supplies. Attempt to apply ichthamol to the abscess as the pony wildly flails around because he's tired of standing in the wash stall.

Step 7: Realize you set your roll of vetrap down several feet away from where you are now squatting and holding your pony's foot. Contort and stretch yourself until you are able to reach it.

Step 8: Spend five minutes finding the end of the roll while the pony continues to flail.

Step 9: Wrap hoof with vetrap. Apologize to the pony that the only colors you could find were purple and hot pink.

Step 10: Get out your brand new hoof boot  that you are sure will be so much easier to use and more durable than duct tape. Spend ten minutes trying to figure out how the seventeen velcro flaps are supposed to secure this godforsaken thing to your pony's foot.

Step 11: Take a moment to catch your breath. Return the pony to his pen, and remember that you have to do this all again tomorrow.


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